Category Archives: beasts

Seriously, Israel?

AP story here.

JERUSALEM – Israeli commandos on Monday stormed six ships carrying hundreds of pro-Palestinian activists on an aid mission to the blockaded Gaza Strip, killing at least 10 people and wounding dozens

Twice in this story there’s a claim by the Israelis that the civilians on the ship used weapons seized from Israeli commandos. I’m trying to figure out how the civilians seized weapons from soldiers who hadn’t attacked them yet. I’m really trying to figure out how the civilians seized weapons from Israeli commandos at all.

Does this make sense to anyone? A little help here?

An Al-Jazeera reporter on one of the Turkish ships said the Israelis fired at the vessel before boarding it. The Israelis, who had declared they would not let the ships reach Gaza, said they only opened fire after being attacked by activists with sticks, knives and live fire from weapons seized from the Israeli commandos.

The Israeli military said troops only opened fire after encountering unexpected resistance from the activists. Activists attacked troops with knives and iron rods, and opened fire with two pistols seized from the forces.

Response so far:

The tough Israeli response drew condemnations from Turkey, France and the U.N.’s Mideast envoy, while Greece suspended a military exercise with Israel and postponed a visit by Israel’s air force chief.

About 10,000 Turks also marched from Israel’s Consulate in Istanbul toward the city’s main square, shouting slogans denouncing Israel. The protesters earlier Monday tried storm the Consulate building but were blocked by police.

The Israeli ambassadors in Sweden, Spain, Denmark and Greece were summoned for meetings, and the French foreign minister called for an investigation.

In neighboring Jordan, hundreds demonstrated in the capital Amman to protest the Israeli action and demand that their government breaks diplomatic relations with the Jewish state.

The United Nations expressed “shock” and condemned the killings. “We are in contact with the Israeli authorities to express our deep concern and to seek a full explanation,” said a statement from the highest-ranking U.N. official in the region, Robert Serry.

Presumably the US response will be, “Israel has a right to defend its territory.” What do you think?

UPDATE: the AP story at the link now is not the same story I linked to this morning. Additional information has been added and quotes have been removed. Sorry about that; I have no control over altering the news.
UPDATE: Swedish novelist Henning Mankell was on board one of the ships and is reported to be fine.

The Israeli newspaper Haaretz is publishing some editorials highly critical of the raid. I wish we would publish such things here in the US. A couple of titles:

Seven Idiots in the Cabinet

and Gaza Flotilla Drives Israel into a Sea of Stupidity.

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Filed under beasts, outrages

Is It Permissible to Eat a Mermaid?

Over on PZ Myers’s biology and atheism site, Pharyngula, PZ has posted a fatwa found on Islam Q&A that he thinks is pretty funny. I can’t tell when the question was originally asked and answered, but I found Arabic-language sites talking about this particular fatwa back in 2007.

Islam Q&A is new to me, but it looks like a pretty nice site. It’s posted in ten languages, and the ones I can read, English, Spanish, and Arabic, are very well done. PZ Myers’s site, like mine, is just in the one language.

Welcome to Islam Question & Answer! This site aims to provide intelligent, authoritative responses to anyones question about Islam, whether it be from a Muslim or a non-Muslim, and to help solve general and personal social problems. Responses are composed by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, a known Islamic lecturer and author. Questions about any topic are welcome, such as theology, worship, human and business relations, or social and personal issues.

All questions and answers on this site have been prepared, approved, revised, edited, amended or annotated by Shaykh Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid, the supervisor of this site.

Many of the questions asked here are the kinds of questions you might ask Miss Manners or Dear Abby. Some people seem to prefer to ask a religious authority rather than a secular one. I don’t know why, but it’s probably for the same reason that the US military still has chaplains.

Islam has no central hierarchy. This seems to throw a lot of people for a loop, even though Protestant Christianity also has no central hierarchy. I guess we want it to be easy, where in the case of Roman Catholics we can point to the Pope and say, “You guys are supposed to believe every word this guy says, and every Pope before him, too.”

Islamic scholars juridical decrees, or fatwas, are nonbinding. If you respect an Islamic scholar and want to honor his decisions, you can, and if you don’t, you don’t have to. Islam does not have priests, seeing priests as middlemen who presume to intervene between God and humanity.

This site, Islam Q&A, is one man’s views. It’s his site, he’s the religious scholar, and he consults existing religious writings to give his answers. If you go back far enough, religious texts and scientific texts are one, just like in the western world.

The fatwas on the site are numbered. These are not the sum total of all fatwas ever issued by all Muslim scholars. They’re his fatwas.

I only wish they were dated. But since they’re not: back in question/fatwa #1919, someone asks

What types of fish and seafood are permissible?

Sheikh al-Munajjid quotes from the Qur’an:

Hence all kinds of food from the sea are permissible, whether they are plants or animals, alive or dead. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lawful to you is (the pursuit of) water-game and its use for food – for the benefit of yourselves and those who travel…” [al-Maa’idah 5:96].

Then he adds that some later scholars say you can’t eat frogs, crocodiles, and maybe sea snakes, otters, and turtles, and gives the reasons and citations. He doesn’t mention mer-folk.

Presumably years later, someone comes along and asks

Is there any such thing as a mermaid?

The answer is fatwa #103991. Notice he or she didn’t ask if it’s okay to eat mermaids. This question (“Do mermaids exist”) is probably asked several times a year at Yahoo! Answers, because it is exactly the kind of earnest, gullible question that gets asked there.

In fact, for fun I’ll post some mermaid-related questions from Yahoo! Answers:

i live on the oregon coast! and i saw a mermaid i was in a cave and it looked right at me in my eyes and jumped in the water and swam away!!!!!!!!!!

I really want to become a mermaid that you can choose your own mermaid tail color and your mermaid power. Is there a spell available for this option? Please write if you do.

I want to make up a very strong mermaid spell. It is kind-of hard. That’s why I need positive answers and positive help. All answers are acceptable but, negative answers.

Those were all on the first page of search results for “mermaid” on Yahoo! Answers. One is so recent that it is still an active question. One was posted in the Beauty & Style, Skin & Body section.

Sheikh al-Munajjid begins to answer the question:

A mermaid is a creature that lives in water and looks like a human. As to whether it really exists or it is a mythical being, that is subject to further discussion.

I hope no one takes these two sentences as evidence that Islam says mermaids exist. I think it’s pretty obvious that that is not what al-Munajjid is about to lead into. Unless this fatwa ends with, “And that’s why mermaids exist.” (Preview: it doesn’t).

Next he writes this:

It says in a footnote in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (5/129): From the modern academic resources that are available to us, it may be understood that the mermaid, which is called Sirène in French, is a mythical creature that is described in fairy tales as having an upper body like a woman and a lower half like a fish.

Mermaids are mentioned in a footnote in an Islamic encyclopedia. They are mentioned as being mythical.

al-Munajjid also writes:

Al-Dumayri said in Hayaat al-Haywaan al-Kubra: Mermaid: it resembles a human but it has a tail. Al-Qazweeni said: Someone brought one of them in our time. End quote.

al-Dumayri died in 808. His words indicate he believed in the existence of mermaids.

al-Qazweeni died in 1283. His words indicate that a contemporary of his claimed to have physical possession of a mermaid.

That’s all either man had to write on the subject.

Now it starts to get fun, and while I don’t know sheikh al-Munajjid’s reputation, I believe he is having fun with this answer. After all, the questioner didn’t even ask if it was permissible to eat mermaids.

Many of the fuqaha’ mentioned mermaids and differed on the ruling concerning them. Some of them said that they are permissible (to eat) because of the general meaning of the evidence which says that whatever is in the sea is permissible. This is the view of the Shaafa’is and Hanbalis, and is the view of most of the Maalikis and of Ibn Hazm and others. And some of them regarded it as haraam because it is not a kind of fish. This is the view of the Hanafis and of al-Layth ibn Sa’d.

Now here comes the word of an Islamic scholar who really seems to think mermaids exist and that a Muslim can eat them:

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Muhalla (6/50): As for that which lives in the water and cannot live anywhere else, it is all halaal no matter what state it is in, whether it is caught alive and then dies, or it dies in the water and then floats or does not float, whether it was killed by a sea creature or a land animal. It is all halaal to eat, whether it is the pig of the sea (i.e., a dolphin), a mermaid, or a dog of the sea (i.e., shark) and so on. It is halaal to eat, whether it was killed by an idol-worshipper, a Muslim, a kitaabi (Jew or Christian) or it was not killed by anyone. The proof of that is the verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And the two seas (kinds of water) are not alike: this is palatable, sweet and pleasant to drink, and that is salt and bitter. And from them both you eat fresh tender meat (fish)” [Faatir 35:12] and “Lawful to you is (the pursuit of) water game and its use for food — for the benefit of yourselves and those who travel” [al-Maa’idah 5:64]. Allaah spoke in general terms and did not exclude anything, “and your Lord is never forgetful” [Maryam 19:64]. End quote.

Ibn-Hazm died in 1064. He was a Muslim Arab in Andalusian Spain, and he’s famous for his book of poetry, The Ring of the Dove, about the art of love.

In the Arabic, which Islam Q&A is kind enough to provide right there, Ibn-Hazm uses the terms “dog of the sea,” for sharks and “pig of the sea” for porpoises. “Dog of the sea,” is still in the Hans Wehr dictionary, and “pig of the sea” appears in the Arabic Wikipedia article on porpoises. I’m confident that Muslims didn’t think that porpoises were literally pigs that live in the sea. And I’m confident that medieval Romans didn’t, either. Let’s see if I can back that up:

The name derives from French pourpois, originally from Medieval Latin porcopiscus (porcus pig + piscus fish).

Oh my, look at this:

Until the 16th century,[3] sharks were known to mariners as “sea dogs”.[4] According to the OED the name “shark” first came into use after Sir John Hawkins’ sailors exhibited one in London in 1569 and used the word to refer to the large sharks of the Caribbean Sea, and later as a general term for all sharks.

The OED? That’s the Oxford English dictionary. How dare they make Christians look as silly as Muslims.

So when the medieval scholar Ibn-Hazm says “people of the sea,” (انسان الماء), is he really envisioning creatures who are human from the waist up and fish from the waist down? I don’t know. I tend to think his term “sea people” is analogous to “sea dog” and “sea pig.” Help me out, Wikipedia:

The word “dugong” derives from the Tagalog term dugong which was in turn adopted from the Malay duyung, both meaning “lady of the sea.”[14] Other common local names include “sea cow,” “sea pig” and “sea camel.”[8]

dugong range today

dugong range today

Dugongs inhabit the Red Sea, the Persian Gulf, the east coast of the African continent, etc. Arab sailors would have seen dugongs.

But so far I don’t have anything definitive to back me up on this. So maybe Ibn-Hazm believed in the Hans Christian Andersen genre of mermaids. al-Munajjid seems to be playing it this way. And I believe al-Munajjid is having fun with it.

He then quotes al-Durayr, who does not mention mermaids but says it okay to eat animals from the sea.

Then he quotes al-Saawi, who says that al-Durayr meant to include “sea people.”

Then he quotes al-Nawawi, who says nothing about mermaids, al-Mardawi, who says nothing about mermaids, and al-Kaasani, who says nothing about mermaids.

The penultimate authority mentioned, Ibn-‘Aabideen, does mention “sea people:”

Ibn ‘Aabideen – who was a Hanafi scholar – said in Radd al-Muhtaar (6/307): Anything other than fish and the like, such as mermaids and dolphins, is impure and remains prohibited.

This reads ambiguously to me. Is he saying mermaids are like fish and you can eat them, or that they’re not like fish and you can’t eat them? I think the Arabic is a little less ambigous:

وقال ابن عابدين – حنفي – في “رد المحتار” (6/307) : ” وما عدا أنواع السمك من نحو إنسان الماء وخنزيره خبيث فبقي داخلا تحت التحريم “.

In any case, the same issue remains. Did he mean literal mermaids, or did he mean dugongs?
Ibn ‘Aabideen died in 1836.

I found some Arabic-language sites discussing this exact fatwa back in 2007. Like this one, Mujahideen Ryder, “Not the average Muslim blog.” The blogger posts the entire fatwas from Islam Q&A with the preface:

Note: This is not mockery towards any scholar or any Muslim. Just read, laugh/smile and move on, inshaAllah!

In the comments to that blog post:

More questions:

– Is the feces of Godzilla considered najas?
– Is it permissible to wear dragon-skin belts?

It’s true (and useful!) for students of law to ask odd questions like that not so much as to really reach a conclusion, but to learn how to apply the rule to various fact patterns.

However, such an exercise, in my opinion, should be kept amongst those who understand the purpose of them and benefit from them. It might be fun for legal nerds to ponder this, but to pass out as a fatwa, especially when that’s not even what the asker had posed, is kind of off to me.

Very good. I guess if one is a werewolf it would be best to follow the Maliki madhab. Do you have to make ghusl after changing back into human form or is wudhu ok?

The blogger adds a comment:

Actually. I’m not making fun of it. This is halal comedy. I think the ulema probably wanted the readers to have a little laugh. I see nothing wrong in this. This proves the statement “there is no such thing as a stupid question”.

Truly, how many sites can boast of fatwa bases in so many languages. This is a case of ignoring the overwhelming good and focusing on the controversial. Not the best attitude you’d like to show your fellow Muslim, more so a scholar.

Good point. I think what bothers me about many of the commenters on PZ’s site is that they take for granted that Muslims are stupid, humorless, and gullible. I hope my blog post helps to dispel this notion.

Jazakl’Allah Khayr rrrrryder… i’ll keep that in mind next time i catch a mermaid.

It’s funny and should make everyone smile and laugh.

Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up. Who wants to come over for some mermaid biryani?

haha…to eat a mermaid!!!
I am laughing with you, MR. nice funny fatwa which should not offend anyone. I don’t think any mermaid reads your blog or not.

Just to add to this. This fatwa shows that the ulema of the present and past have a sense of humor and also a sense of knowledge about almost everything possible.


Since Ibn ‘Abidin said its not a fish – I can’t eat mermaids. Good to know, often I am hungry and think, is that mermaid over there edible or no?

What if the mermaid meets an evil Sea Witch who makes a deal with her to give her human form for a couple of days. While the mermaid is in her human form – u cant eat the mermaid then…. Im sure theres no ikhtilaf on this issue.

can we marry the mermaid?

and if we do, then divorce her, can we still eat her?

this is a very pressing question for me…

Probaly not. Either way Hanafis cant eat them since their not really considered fish. So on the bright side, I’d never accidentally eat the Sea King’s daughter but a Shafi’i might. But you know mermaids shouldn’t engage in magic – its really haram – basically kufr…

One of my friends, who is studying at AOU, mentioned to me once that there was one school of thought that focused a great deal on hypothetical situations because “what if” it really happened? In fact, long before space travel became reality, people wondered what direction to pray in if they weren’t on earth (i.e. if they were in space).

al-Munajjid, the fatwa writer, does not in fact end up with, “And that’s why mermaids exist.” He ends with, “And Allaah knows best.”

This whole edible mermaid fatwa reminds me of a funny thread on the Straight Dope Message Board way back in 2002, on the topic, “What would Jesus Drive.” My vote for best answers are:

A Honda. But he didn’t own it: “For I come not of my own Accord, but of my Father’s.”

— ResIpsaLoquitor


A Plymouth:
And God drove Adam and Eve out of Paradise in a fury.

— SlowMindThinking

plush feejee mermaids

plush feejee mermaids

UPDATE: Mermaid sighting in Israel expected to boost tourism.


Filed under animals, arab, arabian, arabic, arabist, beasts, Islamic relations, language, pedantry

How Arabic is Like Parseltongue

I seriously cannot believe this never occurred to me before. I mean, I’ve been annoyed that there seem to be no language classes at Hogwarts–not only do students there not even learn the English they need to hold down a job, but they don’t even consider the importance of learning foreign languages so they can travel the world acquiring useful spells and potion recipes–but I didn’t realize until today that Parseltongue in the Harry Potter universe is very similar to Arabic here.

Parseltongue is the language of snakes, and the wizarding world considers it a sign of a dark wizard. At first I thought maybe Parseltongue is only the language that snakes use to speak to humans, not to other snakes. But at one point Harry overhears a snake talking to himself.

When Harry speaks to a snake in Parseltongue in front of his classmates, they assume on the face of it that he was telling the snake to attack. This reminds me so much of the “joke” answers I keep seeing on Yahoo Answers, that go something like this:

Question: How do I say, “I love you, mom” in Arabic?

Answer from some ass: “Blow urself up ur virgins r waiting.”

Possibly because Parseltongue can only be learned with great difficulty, Harry conveniently receives the ability from his early encounter with Lord Voldemort. It would make logical sense for Parseltongue to be difficult for a native English-speaker to learn, since only a witch with patience and determination would stick with studying it until reaching fluency.

Why on earth should we assume the entire snake species is up to no good, though? The issue is not addressed.

هل انت بخير يا اخي؟ الحمدلله بخير و انت؟

هل انت بخير يا اخي؟ الحمدلله بخير و انت؟


Filed under animals, arab, arabian, arabic, arabist, beasts, language, movies and shows

Cinco de Mayo

I’ve blogged before about the coincidence of eagles’ appearing on both the flag of Egypt and the flag of Mexico. Since today’s Cinco de Mayo, my memory has been jogged about another similarity between Mexico and the Arab world.

There are various versions of the story of the founding of Mexico here, here, and here. The first two include pretty pictures and the third one is Wikipedia. The short version is: the early Mexicans were trying to fulfill a prophecy that their city would be founded on the site where they saw an eagle perched on a branch, holding a serpent. But when they finally saw the eagle with the serpent, it was on a swampy island in the middle of a lake! Not a great place to try to establish a city, but a prophecy is a prophecy and so that’s what they did. And it was a great success. It was called Tenochtitlán and it grew to be one of the world’s largest cities. (That last link there leads to a really interesting page).

The Arab story is from the life of Muhammad. Muhammad lived in Mecca as a young man, right in the vicinity of the Ka’bah. The locals wanted to rebuild and refurbish the stone edifice around the black stone, but weren’t sure whether the circumstances were auspicious or not. At this time a great, big serpent started hanging around the Ka’bah, which convinced the local Meccans that it was probably not a good time for the improvement project. But then an eagle came along and snatched up the serpent and flew off with it, and the locals took that as a sign that they should go ahead.

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YouTube Clip for Lizard Fans

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Teacher to be Deported for Naming Teddy Bear Muhammad

What a crazy story. I imagine you’ve heard or read about it by now, so I don’t need to provide links.
According to the lastest article I found, she’s now sentenced to fifteen days in jail, five of which she has already served, and she’ll be deported.
My feeling is that it’s a ridiculously over-the-top reaction to a non-offense, and that she is owed an apology and should not be deported.
Now comes the part where I really venture into waters where I don’t belong, as I’m not from a Muslim culture and I have never lived in Muslim lands. All I want to do here is point out to western people like myself that people in Muslim lands, for the most part, don’t really feel about the animals the same way we do.
If you’re like me, you go to sites like Cute Overload and I Can Has Cheezburger and enjoy the adorable cats and dogs and bunnies and hamsters, some of whom are dressed up like people and look charming that way.
I posted a photo several months back of a dog in a cowboy hat and didn’t give much explanation to it. Now I’ll give the backstory. I had a photo of a really cute dog with a keffiyah on his head, that I displayed for probably more than a year with nobody complaining, until one day an older, native-Arabic-speaker came along and saw it and complained angrily, seeming to take for granted that I knew it was offensive. Since she didn’t bother to explain what she was so mad about, I had to make some assumptions.
My assumption is that in her mind it is not a picture of a cute dog wearing a keffiyah, but rather it’s a picture of an Arab portrayed as a dog. Maybe I could have gotten away with a bunny portrayed as an Arab (doubt it), but not a dog, which in general most Muslims regard as unclean.
The prophet Muhammad, no lover of dogs, left his followers a legacy of believing that angels won’t enter a house if a dog is in it, and that if they come into contact with a dog they have to wash their hands seven times before they pray.
Similarly, and I’m really making unbased assumptions here, I imagine that the Sudanese don’t typically have plush toy animals and that if they do, they don’t give them human names. Probably they don’t even name their hunting dogs and livestock.
I once asked an Arab friend what some common names for dogs were in Arabic. He said, “Well, there’s the saluki.” I explained that I meant what do they call them? Spot, Rover, Snowball, King? He couldn’t come up with any pet names in Arabic at all, even though he’s a dog owner (and a Muslim) and likes big, slobbery dogs.
The teddy bear at least originated as an American phenomenon, and if there were ever bears in Africa they’ve been gone for a while now. I spent a few hours today trying to hunt down evidence of bears in Islamic or African storytelling. The Qur’an borrows some stories from the Bible, but I was not able to find out if it includes the story of the young men who taunted the prophet Elisha and were immediately thereafter devoured by two handy bears.
Either way, to people without a teddy bear tradition, a bear is a fearsome beast.
The disgruntled administrative assistant at the school who was the only one to complain probably cobbled together the idea that Gillian Gibbons was intentionally demeaning the prophet Muhammad by portraying him as a bear. This seems beyond absurd to you and me, also the students and the parents at the school.
Somehow, though, a crowd of thousands materialized that actually seems to believe just that.
The funny thing is that when someone asked me yesterday if I had heard what was going on in Sudan, I was sure that he didn’t mean Darfur.

They named the bear Muhammad because it was the name of a popular boy in the class, for heaven’s sake!
Here’s a quote from an International Herald Tribune article on the 28th that just leaves your mouth agape at the lunacy:

Although Khartoum officials played down the case and said it was an isolated incident, Sudan’s top clerics said in a statement Wednesday that the full measure of the law should be applied against Gibbons, calling the incident part of a broader Western “plot” against Islam.

“Plot against Islam” indeed. Sounds like those “War on Christmas” nutjobs.


Filed under animals, arab, arabic, arabist, beasts, bigoted idiots, Islamic relations, names

Almost Forgot my Title

Two different friends sent me the url to this story about cats in Iraq, and it took me two or three days to realize I should write about it on my blog.
I don’t have much to say about it. It’s basically an account by a journalist in Iraq of feeding stray cats and looking out for their welfare.
The troops in Iraq are supposed to steer clear of dogs and cats and rats* in Iraq due to the zoonotic disease Leishmaniasis. The soldiers nicknamed the disease the “Baghdad boil.” Over 650 soldiers who served in Iraq have come down with the disease. Much as I like puppies and kittehs, I think the wise course of action during the course of the war is to stay away from the animals unless they are your pampered family pets with up-to-date shots, etc.
When I first heard of Leishmaniasis I thought it was an example of a merging of an English word with an Iraqi Arabic word, since laysh means “why?” in Iraqi dialect. No, it’s just a disease named after a guy named Leishman.

Here’s a website about Leishmaniasis that seems to be targeted specifically at soldiers who served in Iraq: There’s a lot of information there.
If you like pictures of things that are gross, look here for a picture of someone suffering from Leishmaniasis:

Here’s the blog of an Iraqi teenager who left Iraq reluctantly in 2006. She posts cat pictures almost every day:

And to wrap it all up, here’s a pretty picture of an adorable cat:

someone’s cat

*In point of fact, I think they kill them.

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The Holy Weasel of Egypt

First of all, I think “Holy Weasel of Egypt” would be a great band name.

The ichneumon is a mongoose, the largest species of mongoose in Africa. In ancient Egypt, it was the sacred animal of the sometimes snake-headed and sometimes lion-headed goddess Wadjet, protectress of Lower Egypt. A mummified ichneumon was interred inside statues of the goddess.

Here’s a blurb from Wikipedia about the literary or medieval usage of “ichneumon”:

Ichneumon aka Echinemon
The ichneumon is the enemy of the dragon. When it sees a dragon, the ichneumon covers itself with mud, and closing its nostrils with its tail, attacks and kills the dragon. The ichneumon was also considered by some to be the enemy of the crocodile and the asp, and attack them in the same way. The Greek word translated as “ichneumon” was the name used for the “pharaoh’s rat” or mongoose, which attacks snakes; it can also mean “otter”.

Here’s a nice picture of a holy ichneumon statue:

As for real ichneumons, they look like any old mongoose. If you do a search for a picture of one, be warned that there’s an insect called the ichneumon wasp or the ichneumon fly that isn’t at all fuzzy or cute, and kind of frightening to see when you’re all set to look at pictures of furry animals.

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Cultural Differences


It’s just a picture of a cute dog wearing a cowboy hat. It’s not an image of a cowboy that is a dog, it’s not calling cowboys dogs, and even if it were, we like dogs around here.

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Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves

Sesame Street Monsterpiece Theater

Wait a minute…are they just teaching me how to count?

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