She Knows ‘Em When She Sees ‘Em

Watch out terrorists, Danielle Crittenden can peg you anywhere. In this column, inexplicably posted on Huffington Post, she clues us in:

After clearing international security and poking around the terminal for a bit, the five of us settled into benches in the empty departure lounge — empty, that was, except for two suspicious-looking men in a bench opposite ours.

I say suspicious because they matched almost every profile of a terrorist I’d ever read: Both looked to be about 25 or 26, of Arab descent, beards, dressed in the modern Atta traveling fashion of jeans and t-shirts. Neither had any carry-on bags for an eight-hour flight. One of the men was reading an Arabic newspaper while the other seemed twitchy — he kept looking around, and repeatedly kept pulling out his documents from a small bag to check them over again. I became fixated on them for the next two hours: I had books and magazines but my eyes kept straying to watch what they were up to. After a little bit, both men took to pacing nervously — when they weren’t looking over their documents again. I was trying to think of what purpose they would have to travel to Washington: They were not with family members. They were obviously not businessmen — and yet they were too old to be students.

You see? There’s no profiling there. Can you imagine? They were men who looked like they were in their twenties, and they were diabolically and cunningly clothed in Atta-like jeans and t-shirts. You know what makes it the “modern Atta traveling fashion of jeans and t-shirts”? When the men wearing it have dark hair. You know what Danielle is talking about. Don’t make her say it.

Plus, they had beards. Only the nefarious have beards, like the nineteen 9/11 highjackers, portrayed here in all the glory of their non-existent beards–or that’s what they want you to think. Danielle Crittenden will not be fooled by the fact that the not a single 9/11 highjacker had a beard. Heck, she already had these nefarious characters pegged just by their looking to be of Arab descent, if you know what she means.

Did you notice that neither one of them had a bag? Except that a sentence later one of them kept pulling items out of a bag. The fact that he simultaneously did and did not have a big is a huge tip-off, and only someone with Danielle Crittenden’s keen eye could see this. Aren’t you feeling ashamed about now?

And as you know, there are only three kinds of good people who fly: people flying with family members, business men, and students. If you aren’t one of those, well, you know. Danielle Crittenden knows. And come on, they were too old to be students. If there’s one thing Danielle Crittenden can tell by studying a perfect stranger for two hours (although she would have made this judgment in the first fraction of a second), it’s how old he is. That and what his lineage is. Meaning, what part of the world his ancestors probably came from. And if there’s one thing we know, it’s that there are no students as old as 25.

Imagine this going through her mind. “Those swarthy men scare me. Why doesn’t somebody do something about them? Oh my goodness, they’re going to blow us all up. With explosives they have in their bags. Wait, it’ll sound better if they don’t have any bags. Let me see, how can I get somebody to pay attention to my fears? These are two brothers traveling together–no, wait, it’s better if they’re two unrelated men who are traveling without family. I am traveling with my beloved husband, plus I’m white, so everybody can tell I’m innocent, but these guys…why, they’re wearing obvious terrorist garb: jeans and t-shirts. Jeans and t-shirts! Like they’re fooling anybody. Everybody knows these guys are too old to be students.”

And so on. Well, you don’t have to imagine. She actually wrote it in a column and the Huffington Post published it.

What happened to the wiley terrorists that the amazing Danielle Crittenden discovered and exposed?

And the flight we had rejected landed without incident.

Fiendishly clever!

It goes without saying that reading an Arabic newspaper is the sure sign in all this that these terrorists were terrorists. Nobody, I mean nobody, who is not a terrorist would read an Arabic newspaper. It is well established that Arabic was developed by terrorists specifically for communicating with other terrorists, and nobody else can read it.

4 Comments

Filed under arab, arabic, bigoted idiots

4 responses to “She Knows ‘Em When She Sees ‘Em

  1. Another great catch. So Juan Williams, who sucks, btw, is fired for a relatively mild statement, and Huffingandpuffin Post publishes this garbage.

    You put up stuff that belongs on large websites.

    MT

  2. Pingback: Mahmoud Abbas Caves In: Recognizes the US as a Jewish State | Mantiq al-Tayr

  3. Pingback: Mahmoud Abbas Caves In: Recognizes the US as a Jewish State [Satire] | Sabbah Report

  4. Pingback: Who Do You Think You’re Fooling? « Anonymous Arabist وين الناس

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