Glasgow Bombing Humor

Here’s a link to a blog I have never visited before and know nothing about, but this particular post strikes me as very, very funny. http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2007/07/that-didnt-go-s.html
It’s called “Well, that Didn’t Work Out so Great,” and it’s a parody after-action report by one of the failed Glasgow bombers.
It happens to cover a couple of things that I’ve wanted to bring up up before on the blog but that hadn’t come up recently in anything I’ve read.
1- There’s a fictional friend named Abdul.

We talked about a fishing trip to Canada or something, but most of the guys thought that sounded pretty boring. Abdul suggested a golf weekend in Cancun, but the all-inclusives there can get pretty pricey in-season.

Abdul is not a name in Arabic, though people in far distant parts of the world have broken names in half and used Abdul as a stand-alone first name. Since the fictional friend here would be supposed to be Arab or Indian, it’s no good.
2- The name Achmed. Ahmad is a name in Arabic, Achmed is not.

Anyhoo, Achmed finally says, “how about packing cars with explosives and killing hundreds of random infidels in a coordinated series of gigantic fireballs?”

‘Ch,’ represents a letter (kh, to me) in Arabic, and once people find that out, they like to use it everywhere in place of an H. No good. I realize that there are actual people named Achmed, but as this baby name site http://www.thinkbabynames.com/meaning/1/Achmed points out, “Achmed is a very rare male first name and a very rare surname (source: 1990 U.S. Census).” That’s because it’s messed up. Well, I guess not any more messed up than naming your child Filliam or Pennifer or Roberg.
3- Allah is the Arabic word for God.

Ever have “one of those days?” Sure, all of us go through the occasional rough patch, but I swear there are times when I think Allah must really have it in for me. I mean, I know the “Big Guy” is supposed to have a sense of humor, but do I always have to be the punchline?

When you’re writing or speaking in English, you say God. Allah and God are not different gods. There’s huge controversy over this, so I know you aren’t all going to agree with me, but that’s where I stand on the issue.
4- Marrying cousins.

So I go to the house and tell my wife Jumanah about the whole deal, and here it comes — The Look. complete with the whole exasperated eye roll and head shake. I swear, if her dad wasn’t my uncle, I’d be tempted to smack that irritating sneer right off her face.

I find this particulary funny, but for no good reason. Not the violence, but the bit about the cousins. Cousins marrying is pretty common around the world. Here’s a page http://www.cousincouples.com/info/facts.shtml with a whole bunch of statistics about it. Hey, some of us have good-looking cousins. It’s legal to marry your first cousin in every European country, Canada, Mexico, and twenty-six states of the U.S., among other places. Charles Darwin married his first cousin and so did Albert Einstein.
That covers all the little, nitpicky points I wanted to make. Funny article.
Oh yeah, let’s see, the guy who succumbed to his burns was Indian, not Arab. So were two other of the fellows arrested. But some of the others were Arabs, and therefore it fits in with the theme of my blog.

2 Comments

Filed under arab, arabic, Islamic relations, names, pedantry

2 responses to “Glasgow Bombing Humor

  1. Rob

    Heh. Rudy Giuliani’s first wife was his second cousin… 😉

  2. Thanks for commenting, راب

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